How I Approach Music Selection for Weddings

How to choose songs for a playlist or setlist and where they go depends greatly on the type of event. Music evokes emotions, so what is the emotional goal?

I have been in many musical groups over my 24 years playing live events. I started in a nu-metal band that infused elements of Limp Bizkit, Deftones, Godsmack, and Sevendust. Back then, we just played our best songs since we basically only got about 30 minutes to play. As time went on, we began to follow a very simple formula for our setlist: ‘start strong, end strong’. This is what all the pros do, both cover bands and original acts. Usually the middle is a bit of a down spot, the low part of the rollercoaster before ending high again. Depending on the length of the set, you may have several highs and lows, utilizing different keys, tempos, and themes.

In 2012 when I became a worship leader, I had to learn the art of crafting a worship set. There are many ways of leading a church in worship, which kind of depend on the overall service layout, but the formula I try to follow for a typical 4-5 song Sunday morning is to start with energy and move toward emotion. The main objective of worship is to go from “horizontal” to “vertical”, from us-focused to Him-focused, from surface-level to emotional. It’s not about a mental state, it is about the emotional state. It is about cracking hearts open to receiving the message, because most people come to church almost completely in their own way, focused on very surface-level, earthly things.

Ceremony Music

The approach to ceremony music selection is somewhat similar to selecting music for church; we are guiding people to a destination. Weddings, specifically ceremonies, are comprised of several elements, some more important than others, but all of which require music.

Could you imagine being at a wedding with no music?! Could you imagine how awkward it would be to watch the entire bridal party come down the aisle to silence? How awkward would it be to hear nothing but the clicks of cameras as the bride walks down the aisle? Silence as we all watch the couple struggle to light the unity candle. Then the “I do’s” come, the couple walks back up the aisle, and maybe the occasional ‘whoop’ or applause for a few seconds, but then what? Awkward silence. Guaranteed people disengaged and on their phones scrolling Instagram.

1. Prelude. A good musician or DJ will start music 30 minutes before the ceremony. That way, all the people from out-of-town who show up early will have something to listen to and entertain them, all the way to the ones who show up a few minutes before! This music should be lighter in volume so people can chat; musicians, I would suggest instrumental music that is recognizable. This set can be comprised of songs suitable for a ceremony that your couple didn’t choose for the more important elements. The important thing is that it can’t be too energetic; it should be mid-tempo music that eases people in this quite unfamiliar, anxiety-inducing space.
2. Processionals. “Processional” is a fancy word for “entrance”, or, more accurately, “following” – the mothers of the bride and groom “proceed” to their seats up front. Then is your bridal party. Depending on the size of your bridal party, 1-2 songs should cover both of these processionals, which should be worked out at your rehearsal. Make sure your entertainer has enough music to cover! The last thing you’d want is to run out of music and have them scrambling. It is better to over-prepare in this situation, and well in advance so your musician has time to prepare the music (most entertainers charge extra for last-minute changes and overtime). These songs should be more mood-setting and slower to start to set the table for the big moment. I suggest songs with vocals to really capture what the moment means for the couple, or at least a recognizable instrumental.
   
   The Bridal Processional is the big, emotional moment. This is typically every couple’s main focus for song choice. This song should capture everything they are as a couple, or how they are feeling in that moment. We have certainly come a long way since the days when everyone used the Wedding March on an organ, although Canon in D is still very popular!
3. Unity Moment. Statistics say that about half of all couples have some sort of unity moment. I’ve seen everything from sand to water, and even foot washing (I don’t know why people do a candle; it can be lit by either flame…). Either way, the moment is delicate and needs music not only to enhance the moment but also to ease any awkwardness as the couples’ backs are facing the audience. I suggest a tender song that speaks to being together. A good duet is clutch!
4. Recessional. After the “I do’s”, it’s time to celebrate! This song should be meaningful but also upbeat and uplifting. The goal is to begin the celebration and get the party started. Whether it has vocals or not won’t matter; people will begin chatting almost immediately upon the bride and groom walking past them. Don’t start until the officiant has announced the bride and groom (“…for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Jones!”)
5. Postlude. A good entertainer will keep the music going while the guests receive instructions on where to go next. However, if you opted for a cocktail/social hour, your entertainment may need to relocate. In any case, more energetic, celebratory music is great for this piece. I suggest your musician(s) go with instrumental music to facilitate the desire for conversation.

Cocktail/Social Hour Music

Social Hours are typically an element that is hands-off for the couple. You don’t need to worry about these details, and your entertainer should expertly craft this set to take one less thing off of your mind. This music here isn’t critical; it is meant to be “wallpaper” music, meaning it’s in the background but you can focus on it if you want. For musicians, I suggest this music is instrumental and mildly showcases one or two particular instruments. I say “mildly”, because showing off is inappropriate, unless the couple wants it to be more entertaining. It is called a “social” hour, after all.

In this space, I choose songs that fall in between romantic and energetic. Not quite processional songs but not quite dance-floor caliber. They should be recognizable but it’s not necessary.

I can’t really give an opinion on reception songs as the elements vary greatly. Everything from First Dance, which is very romantic, to dinner, which would be more like Social Hour, to dance floor where the songs are very energetic. There is a lot more freedom when picking songs for your reception, but there is also some crossover from your ceremony and social hour songs.

General Notes on Wedding Music

Don’t Repeat Music. It is widely regarded as a no-no in the wedding music industry to double-up on your wedding songs. No one wants to hear the same song in the ceremony as they do in the cocktail hour and/or the reception. If you’ve hired multiple entities to run your music, make sure they talk to each other! And if it’s the DJ not paying attention, make sure to let them know with a review! The last thing you’d want is for your First Dance song played during one of these lesser elements. Every song during the night should feel fresh and alive.

Be Flexible, Be Prepared. During the ceremony, time is relative. You never know how long it will take to walk down the aisle. Some of the bridesmaids might get nervous and practically run down. This will cut your music down. If you are a DJ or a musician who uses backing tracks, make sure you have the ability to fade out. Nothing is a bigger trigger for awkwardness than a hard stop. A gentle fade over 5 seconds is ideal. Backing track software can be programmed to do this upon hitting the Stop button, which ensures full volume for the next song. DJs, make sure to reset to your typical volume. Solo Musicians, pay attention to when these elements end. Don’t keep people waiting by refusing to end the song early. Pick a spot and land the plane. Ensembles, make sure you work out ahead of time some signal to wrap up the song. On the other hand, if you need to fill more time, make sure you have a contingency to extend the song instrumentally.

Hopefully this guide has helped you understand what a musician or DJ thinks through when helping a couple plan music for their wedding.

By the way, you can have access to our exclusive Ultimate Ceremony Playlist that shows you the result of my planning approach! It includes 4 Playlists in 1 – depending on your desired genre – including Pop, Country, Rock, and Christian!